Random Musings: excerpts from a forgotten journal

Vancouver, August 19, 2013

I’m not one for long posts, but the past few days have been surreal. I’m leaving in 2 days to move to Montreal and I’m apprehensive and excited. I’ve lived (on and off for 3 months or so) in three different cities within three continents in the past year (this move will be my 4th). Usually when I start to pack for a trip or move, I have this intense shiver run up my spine from anticipation. I’m eager, raring even, to leave each time, yet as my departure date looms near, I’m thinking of other things that I shouldn’t be thinking about, such as those dreaded what ifs. These pesky thoughts started circling around in my head that I succumb to a moment of utter panic yesterday, screaming at the top of my lungs at a Tim Horton’s parking lot. It didn’t help that my close friend was leaving for vacation and wouldn’t be there to talk me through the anxiety. Then, later, to stem the overwhelming anxiety, I started making plans on what to do when I arrive. List calms me down so I made lists and it made me happy. My moods are screwy right now.

The past few months have been sublime with friends and family. Although, I’m anxious that I won’t have that ease and comfortability with other people when I’m in Montreal, I’m glad that technology has made it possible for me to call/text/poke them instantaneously.
I know that beneath all my anxiety is a well of excitement, waiting to bubble over. I’m just letting the anxiety course through so I’m not too overwhelmed when I’m finally there. ETA #Montreal 3 days #gradschool #scaredshitlessbutupforthechallenge

About carouselcalvo

poetry, prose, random musings
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